The Heartbreaks I Needed

I had this whole blog prepared. I let it marinate for a few days, then came back and realized I needed to revamp the entire thing. Initially, it was dedicated to one heartbreak. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized I had left a few out that deserved recognition, too.

I know that might sound strange, but focusing only on the most recent heartbreak would be doing myself a disservice. They all shaped me. Each one stripped something away, taught me something about myself, and redirected me in ways I couldn’t see at the time.

Sometimes, what feels like loss is actually the beginning of something else. Months ago, someone I cared about stepped out of my life in a way that left me questioning, hurting, and wondering if I’d ever feel that connection again. At the time, it felt like a heartbreak I didn’t ask for.

But looking back now, I realize that heartbreak was precisely what I needed. If I had continued investing my energy there, I don’t know that I would have started my blogs, let alone made the progress I’ve made on my book. What felt like a door closing was actually a redirection — a quiet push toward focus, clarity, and the life I’m meant to build for myself.

My first heartbreak came when my dad left when I was eleven. From there, the heartbreaks continued — through relationships with my children’s fathers, and eventually into my marriage. Somewhere along the way, I began placing all the blame on myself. I convinced myself that I was the rotten apple — the one people would pick up for a moment, then discard.

I truly believed that.

I don’t anymore.

Because the same people who hurt me have yet to find healthy relationships themselves — at least the last I knew. So it wasn’t that I wasn’t worthy. I was simply ending up in the wrong hands. And while that was my doing, it was never a reflection of my value.

Looking back now, I can see how each of those heartbreaks was shaping me — not to break me, but to lead me back to myself.

So now, I find myself arriving — not late, not early, but right on time. I’m grateful even for the heartbreaks that brought me here, for the lessons they carried, and for the ways they shaped me into who I am becoming.

Those were the heartbreaks I needed.

Some endings were mercy, even when they felt like grief.

-ToniRay