Make-Believe



 Make-Believe

When I think about all my past relationships,
I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as lukewarm as you.
You have phantom capabilities —
a way of vanishing while still standing right in front of me.

Sometimes, I wonder if that whole season of my life was even real,
since it’s completely gone now.
Maybe I made it all up.
Maybe that’s how you like me to feel —
as if it was all in my head.

Maybe we never really met.
Maybe none of it happened at all.
Maybe it was all make-believe.

But if it were make-believe,
I wouldn’t have created a version where I had to ask to be seen.
I would’ve written someone who was happy to see me — without hesitation.
Someone who spoke love openly,
prayed for me faithfully,
and cared about my heart.

In my version, my thoughts would’ve mattered.
When we made love, it would’ve felt mutual —
a shared desire to please and connect.
We’d talk about our pasts, our present,
and maybe even our futures.
We’d talk about all the weird things we never told a soul,
and we’d experience new things together.

We’d laugh like kids again — endlessly.
We’d comfort each other without needing to ask.
We’d be so energetically, magnetically, and spiritually connected
that miles couldn’t separate us —
and silence couldn’t disguise what was wrong.

And that’s what makes it so strange…
because you were him. I think.

But I’m no longer pretending I didn’t deserve more.

-Toniray



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